Working on my “Button Book” I began to write about my pro ERA buttons.     That is not a Real Estate Agency,  Earned Run Average, or laundry detergent.  It is the proposed and passed by Congress, Equal Rights Amendment, written to guarantee equal rights for women in the United States Constitution, but also guaranteeing that men cannot be discriminated against by gender. As it turns out, the Amendment is still a live issue.  There are bills afloat to extend the deadline for passage. Three states are needed for ratification. (Amendments passed by Congress need a three quarters ratification by States.) How come I did not this was still an active issue?  How many other people don’t know? My buttons are still relevant.  That is both good news and bad news!!  More later.

Lately, as I become aware,  for the umpteenth time of the media’s attempts to define what it means to be a woman today,  I am appreciating the diversity among women as never before.  I am not talking about color, ethnicity, age, class, or size.  I am talking about degrees of what society has identified as “femininity.”  There goes a heterosexual woman looking quite comfortable in loose jeans and a sweat shirt. There goes a homosexual woman looking like a model.  There goes my granddaughter in four inch heels and my other granddaugther in sneakers, and another in bare feet.  Wait a minute, its the same granddaughter.  In fact, all of my granddaughters, and daughters-in-laws for that matter, have their own multiple unique looks.  Female all.

And there goes a friend who has transitioned from male to female and she is  woman now too.

I used to worry about being feminine.  Being heterosexual,  I was sure no man would love me if I wasn’t and I felt my own self image would flounder if I didn’t conform to the latest sexual image of woman. Today, I just accept the fact that I am a woman and  I can define that in any way I want to.  Its been a journey.

I Remember when my sister and I got our first pairs of ice-skates, hers were white and mine were black.  I wanted white skates too!  Did my parents think I was a boy?  Of course they didn’t. But they might have thought that I was more “boyish” than she was and I hated that.  What even did “boyish” mean to me then?

I think about these things now because I have a feeling that young women  are once again under pressure to prove their femininity.  Dressing up can be fun. Experimenting with make-up can be fun too.  But its  all surface stuff. A girl is a girl and a woman is a woman in whatever way she chooses to express that. There is no one style fits all.

Those black skates did not end up defining me.  I learned to skate in them and did quite well inspite of their color…in my boyish-girlish way.

I hear Sojourner Truth’s words,  “And ain’t I a woman?” echoing in my brain and resounding in my heart.  I wish we could all have known her, all five feet eleven of her. And I wish we could have been at the Women’s Right’s Convention when she said those words,  declaring that she is woman even though no man ever waited on her, though she was a slave, and though now, with all her strength dared to proclaim and work for equality for women and freedom for blacks.

The point is, no one can define for any of us what it means to be a woman, or a man for that matter.  Each of us discovers, uncovers, defines ourselves…. and, hopefully,  celebrates who we are  in all of our complexity.

Lent is a time in the Christian year that stirs mixed emotions in me. When I was young, I was deeply moved by Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross and committed myself to follow him.  At that point it all seemed romantic and somehow lovely and loving.  Now that I am older and have witnessed other sacrifices and the deaths of other innocent people, I have lost my fascination with sacrifice which seeems violent from all angles.

I resist the notion that Christian faithfulness means   “following Jesus to the cross.”  Some even see this call to the cross as a call to obedience and unexamined servanthood. I see Jesus  crucifixion  as a call to end all human sacrifice. As a plea to take up mutual servanthood, ending the violence of  victimization  in whatever form.   Or the violence inherent in  leaving behind family, friends, work, all that is dear,  for Jesus’ sake.

When Jesus admonishes us to take up our cross and follow him, I think he means the crosses we already bear. Take up your pain, your suffering, and move on. We are called as Christians to healing, to abundant life, not to those things that destroy humanity’s soul.

Maybe I have trouble with Lent because it leads to the crucifixion and having to think about and face death.  I know death inevitably comes to all of us. My faith says that we are not meant to seek it, rather, we are called to avoid it when we can.  The Christian message goes on to assure us that we  do not have to fear death when we cannot sidestep it because Jesus has taken away its power.  Through his own death and resurrection, he revealed the permeability of boundaries between the seen and unseen, between heaven and earth. So we celebrate the power of Life in resurrection at Easter.

While we are living,  Jesus calls us to use our talents to the full and to the good, in fact, to multiply them.  We are invited to love to the full and accept the fulness of God’s love.

Lent is a time for reflection. As I reflect, I see that through the cross,  God calls us to abhor violence…against others AND ourselves. There are times when we cannot stop the forces of human destruction or stem the destructive tides of nature,. Then, in faith, we pursue justice and resist evil, we seek reconciliation and peace and minister to and with one another in hope.

We make sacrifices for those we love and the greater good in pursuit of saving and protecting life.  It is my deep belief that as we do, we are meant to cling  boldly to life itself.

As I await Easter I contemplate the meaning of power and the amazing power  of love in a God who has the last word over death, even in the face of human powers coalescing and conspiring to shut out goodness.  I pray for that love and affirmation of life and good to have the last word in our hearts and minds…on earth as it is in heaven.

Just some thoughts.

Well, Ive finally begun to write my “Button Book.” Over the years I’ve collected those pin-on buttons with symbols or words or both that advertise, remind, advocate etc. I have buttons from special events, buttons from political campaigns. Buttons from social movements. Buttons that are humorous. They all have something to say about history, the history of society and the church and my history since they are my buttons. What I didn’t realize is that they are STILL relevant or relevant again. Issues recycle…in a variety of manifestations! I hope we are making progress even so. From time to time I will share some of my reflections on these buttons. They may jog memories for you too. And if not memories, you may have some new buttons that reflect and address our human condition and times.

I am taking pictures of the buttons to go along with my narrative. When I learn to add pictures I will share those too. I may remind you of some buttons of your own that you have lying around.

People of a certain age begin asking questions about what their lives have amounted to. As we get older, the question often becomes more urgent. What have we done with out lives? What is our worth? It;s a complex question and I can only share some random thoughts.

First of all, ordinary things count. We have survived. We have managed the daily tasks of living each day…never of course, alone. Others have been there in one way or another. Most of us have contributed to the survival of others. We have supported and nurtured life. We have mattered.

We have all had family, friendship, and community connections of one kind or another. We have loved,sometimes faithfully and closely or deeply and intensely. Sometimes, not wisely or well, Sometimes we have experienced the joy of commitment or weathered the sorrow of betrayal. We have celebrated and mourned the loss of those we love and held close to our hearts those with us. That all counts for something.

I suspect though, that often when we ask this question we are looking at more material success. We are comparing ourselves to some outside standard or expectation. We are driven by some inner force.

We sometimes measure others and thereby ourselves by how much money they have, the positions of power or success they or their children have attained, the contributions they or their children have made to society, the successful job of parenting they have done, the work their hands have wrought, their beauty or artistic accomplishments. Important as these things are and seem to be, they are not ultimate.

We could also think of worth in terms of a person’s moral rightness, the compassion they have shown, the passion with which they have pursued justice, the degree to which they have side-stepped temptation and it effects on themselves or others. Maybe worth can be measured in the addictions we have overcome and the obstacles we have conquered. All this is of vital importance.

The fact is, that the question of what our lives are or have amounted to, on the face of it, has many possible answers and no answer, though, of course, we can’t help asking. And, in asking the question,
and if, in seeking an answer, we begin to tell our story, honestly and gently, the question begins to bear fruit.

There is a sentence in a Harry Emerson Fosdick prayer that says, “O thou Light that lighteth every one coming into the world, shine in us now that we may see ourselves as we might be at our best.” I think that “our best” is always deep within us whatever our external circumstance.

We are all called to simply pay attention to what we do with what we are given,Sometimes we fly high. Sometimes we have not made good choices, lived up to our potential, or recognized the love that is in us and with us. Sometimes our hearts have been full of gratitude and sometimes burdened by despair. We do the best we can.

In the beginning as in the end, worth is inherent in being. It is really quite simple. If we can recognize worth in ourselves then maybe we can see it in others and that is enough. Worth does not need to be achieved. It does need to be honored. Karen Armstrong, professor of religion and prolific author says that in the last analysis, all religions embrace some version of the Golden Rule, “Do to others what you want them to do to you.”

No one gets through life living up to that standard. Some lives are so shaped by tragedy that recovery is hard. We all need the forgiveness and grace, which help us accept our worth and recognize it in others, in our complex, amazing,imperfect, unfinished lives and world.

When we ask what we have amounted to, even if there is no one answer, there is always more to add to our Hopefully, belief in our own value and in the value of others, can permeate our lives.

My eyes and ears are fixed on the television.  I know I am watching a terrible disaster being played out in Japan as the world watches. And there is something so awful that it seems unreal,  like the previews I have seen of the apocryphal movies I refuse to watch.

I try to imagine what it must be like for those in the middle of the earthquake and tsunami and I can’t. Perhaps my mind won’t let me. And  yet my heart reaches out to those who must live through this disaster or mourn for those they have lost. And then go through the deprivations entailed in the days and years ahead as some new normal returns.  I whisper a prayer. Part of me knows.

As each day comes, I, and even some in Japan, physically distant  from the disaster, go about our  daily lives in a normal way and yet, we are shaken by what can happen when the earth shifts and shakes and the ocean unleashes its power.  The crying, the wailing, the waiting, the stunned silence and desperate searches,  touch our universal soul and we are one with those who must struggle for survival.  We are one with them and we are not them because this time it was not us.

I look around me at all the things I have. I will enjoy them but hold them more lightly now. They can be gone in the twinking of an eye.  Life is what matters most.

I do not see the wrath of God in any of this. The Universal Spirit is in the giving of strength and comfort to those who need it. The Holy is in the response of those people and nations who offer help. God is in the human spirit and in the human ingenuity that kept the earthquake from more destructiveness. God is in our sharing a common humanity with those in Japan.  At least, that’s how I see it

I will follow all that is happening in the days ahead with my eyes and my heart What I do and feel is as insignificant as a grain of sand. But, it is something, especially when human spirits are joined in common compassion. I am proud of those  journalists and amateur communicators who are at risk by reporting from the scene and calling on us to act.

Anything I say seems so trivial. And yet, I must note these things that are happening.

I have to admit it, I am attached to my laptop.  I have had it for six years and never traveled without it.  But today, I had the material on it stored and the computer cleaned so I could trade it in for another one. A free one as part of a settlement over a defective part. As I carried it off to Fed-Ex, I ran my hand over its case and said “thank you.” How could I become so attached to a machine?

I have always  had trouble parting with my old cars…each one. My head says that having a new one makes sense. My heart says the old one is fine.  I know the old well, we get along, it seems solid.  I hope I like the new computer  which will be awhile coming.  In the meantime, I am writing on my small notebook.  I am glad I have it but we aren’t getting along  very well.  It does weird things!

In the midst of taking care of the computer, I realized that today is Ash Wednesday. When I was a Pastor, I would be preparing for a Service tonight.  While I knew this would be Ash Wednesday, there was nothing specific to remind me. Now, I  see that I have given something up for Lent, my computer.  Every time I wrestle with this notebook, I will remember that it is Lent.  I will observe Lent in other ways too, of course, in personal devotions and with human companions in worship.

Lent is 40 days.  I am giving up ny computer for at least 40 days.  I am giving  something up to get something back. We are fortunate when it works that way.  Maybe it works that way more often than we know, if only we could see. Hopefully, in this period when we are especially mindfulm we can  gain clarity.

We just got back from a visit with family in Maine. The weather was messy, rain on snow, huge mounds of snow (plowed by our son.)  Unlike in the urban areas, the snow is still white, not covered by the grime created by endless traffic.  Being in the house with family feels good on days like this. We were glad that the heavy snow stayed farther north in ski country  We arrived to crows cawing and it was somehow reassuring to hear them. At night, it was foggy and we couldn’t see the stars I so love to watch when it is clear. But I know they are there.

The brook running in the field was flowing briskly but there was no flooding where we were though we were hearing of problems in other places. We left before the freeze set in again and returned home to find most of the snow gone in our area.  What a contrast within a couple hours drive.  This time, I find myself missing the family there.

We are getting more rain at the end of the week.  So it goes. No philosophical thoughts about weather now. Just collecting experiences.

Fosdick thought for the day: “Companion of the companionless, inner source of strength, comfort, and fortitude, deep well from which living waters rise, be with us today.”

We talk much about the weather here in New England. A boring subject in general, maybe, but not in the Northeast. This winter  especially, has been a blast!  Today the sun is shining but weather here is fickle. Who knows what tomorrow or even the next hours will bring? Hopefully, no more snow. We haven’t broken any records, snow-wise, but this winter is right up there with some of the hardest. We are looking for spring!

The thing about the weather is that it just is.  On a daily basis it comes. Sometimes we can  prepare for it  Sometimes we can work with it. Or escape it. Or enjoy it. Or be devastated by it.Here in New England we cope. In winter, life shuts down during our worst storms, then, for the most part, people go about their daily lives in ways that never cease to surprise me. I can look out of my window and from the way our driveway and street appear, think the world has closed down. Then if we manage to get to a highway, we  find things humming along.  New Englanders are a hardy lot. And yet, there are those on whom harsh weather takes a serious toll.

I have never really thought much about weather before.  As I do, I realize there are layers of consciousness that come to mind. There is my immediate and personal experience of weather. There is my awareness of how others in my environment are being affected by weather. I also know through the news and personal contact with family and friends that weather is happening in other places: flooding in the mid-west, an earthquake in Australia, tornados in Tennessee, ise storms in Texas.

Then I remind myself of the weather that does not make the news. Not all weather is problematic. The weather helps crops grow, provides an environment for enjoyment.  The atmosphere gives us air to breath and sinshine to nourish our bodies and souls. The moon and weather move the tides.

If I go deeper, I have to admit that weather is happening on a scale beyond my parochial awareness. Someone is paying attention to what is happening to polar bears and penquins, to birds, and ice caps. Someone knows that global warming is a reality and something we all need to pay attention to if we are to protect our planet and all that has life on it. So, there are ways in which we do affect the weather!

Now we get to unseen basics. The weather is something in and of itself. The weather is not  an “act of God.”  But “acts of people” do impact weather. By now, thinking about these things, I wonder what God has to do with any of this.  In my heart, as I peel off yet another layer, I sense God holding this pulsing ball of life we call our world in loving hands. The old spiritual says it,  “He’s/She’s got the whole world in his/her hands.”

The thing is, so do we. God and us, we are in this together. We can’t control the weather short term. God is with us as we use or cope with whatever comes. We do affect the weather long term. God is with us on the side of survival and well being.

Now I become aware that there is the external atmosphere, the weather outside, and the climate we create internally and in relationships, in our homes, our workplaces, our neighborhoods. But that is thought for another day.

With the world, I’m watching events in Libya.  On this cold, rainy day in Boston, I see protesters standing in the cold rain in peaceful protest against tyranny. What determination. How firm their commitment!

I am reminded of protests in our own country during the Civil Rights Movement. I think about Protests over Poverty and Vietnam. The protests at Kent State when the War was officially extended into Cambodia. And then the firing of our National Guard on students. The nation was stunned.

I think farther back to Mahatma Ghandi and  the non-violent action that finally won independence for India. Now new voices are being raised in the Middle East on behalf of human rights and freedom.

How important to protect people’s right to peaceful demonstration. And how important that public opinion turn against governments that use violence to suppress those expressions…even if those governments are our own or those of our allies.  People in power have the capacity to use force. The  temptation to do so is strong and the ability to rationalize such force is endless.

It has been said that those who stand and watch bullies without expressing outrage are aiding and abetting them.  May those of us who are not on the front lines of peaceful protest have the courage to never tolerate or excuse the “official bullies of the world” who strike out with violence against  peaceful protest.