I recently attended an excellent forum advocating same sex marriage. Now that Presbyterians have removed the ban against the ordination of homosexuals, clearly the next step we need to take is the acceptance of same sex marriage.
But, I am led to write about another matter.
During a question period that took place during one of our sessions, I raised my hand to ask a question. The speaker, looking around the room, called on someone by saying, “Yes, the woman with white hair and glasses…” I scanned the room and realized he meant me! I didn’t recognize the description. Somehow my self-perception and his description of my physical reality didn’t match. I am not saying his identifying me that way was wrong. Reality is reality. Still I was put off.
When I was a kid, I hated wearing glasses. Now, in my mature years I am being identified as one who wears glasses. I better finally get used to being the “woman in glasses.” I take comfort in the fact that many people in the room are wearing glasses. Now, about the white hair. When I was a kid, I couldn’t imagine myself ever having white hair. Even now, I swear it is not totally white.
Maybe I should dye my hair. If I go that route I will have to get a different hair dresser. My current one, Rita, says she likes it the way it is and if I want it dyed she won’t do it. My youngest sister advises against it for different reasons. She says it is too hard to keep up with.
Again I look around at the other attendees at this meeting, I see many grey/white heads, belonging to women and men.
The next day, I was having dinner with a male friend, who it turns out, also has white hair and glasses. I hadn’t particularly notices before. Now I had to suppress the urge to try calling him “my friend with white hair and glasses.” Would he respond? I am not sure that men are as likely to be referred to that way. Or care if they are. My husband for one doesn’t understand my reaction and he is a “man with white hair and glasses.”
Maybe men look distinguished that way (with white hair.) and intelligent (with glasses.) Maybe that’s why they don’t seem as tempted as women are to dye their hair. I revert to my earlier thinking. Older women DO look younger with dyed hair.
Okay, clearly I have an issue. I need to get over it. I am a woman with white hair and glasses. But please don’t refer to me that way until I grow into my reality. Refer to the color of my clothes, the place I am sitting or standing, my white hair, OR my glasses. But try very hard to not put the two together. I am sensitive, silly sensitive. And who wants an Interim University Chaplain, which I happen to be at the moment, who can be defined as “the woman with white hair and glasses.” At least I am not little or I would be “the little woman with white hair and glasses.”
I write this with apologies to my dear friend who has had really beautiful, naturally curly gray hair since she was in her thirties.
Just know this, looks can be deceiving.